Servitude, Conflict, And Being A Lonely sub.

Servitude is a way of life. It is a commited way of life. Not everyone is ready to commit at the same point in their life, however they subconciously know that their time to fully commit will eventually come... Why? It's an unexplainable feeling, a desire, something that burns deep inside of you. For some unfortunate subs there will always be a part of their life that is missing, until the day that they learn to submit to their deepest desire. Sometimes it's a case of the right Goddess at the wrong time, for some it's the inability to control tempation, for others it's not the right Goddess at all, and for the rest... Well they just haven't come to accept this part of themselves yet. Acceptance can be hard... I wrote a whole blog on Societal Norms, you can click the link and read it. There is no such thing as normal, can we just throw that out in to the universe? Fear of being different should never hold someone back from finding happiness. This blog however, will not delve into that part, this blog is about loneliness and possibly finally fufilling your purpose in life.

Remember when you were serving Goddess? She was perfect. Everything about Her was amazing. She was a vision. Perfection. One word, one look, one movement and you were completley powerless. Serving Her made you happy, but knowing that you made Her happy? Gave you an overwhelmingly amazing feeling of euphoria. While serving, you would do anything to please your Goddess. Goddess always came first, no matter what the circumstance... But there were some days... Off days... Where you would question everything... you would question your feelings, you would question if what you were doing was right... Maybe sometimes you felt guilty for indulging in the things that you did... Even though things made you feel really good. When you felt conflicted, you would act out. Acting out was never productive, it was often hurtful, not only did you hurt Goddess, you also hurt yourself in the process. Sometimes these conflicts would be resolved, but the damage caused... Well it wasn't always reversible. you would swear to be better, you would apologize, and even accept punishment for your behaviour... But then sometimes only a few weeks to a month later it would happen again.... Eventually the damage that you caused by your actions had created a wedge between you and Goddess.... A wedge that could no longer be ignored.

Sometimes you would ask yourself... Why is it so hard for me to be a good boy... What is stopping Me? Was it fear of accepting who you really are? Self hate maybe? Were you serving the right Goddess? Were you at the point in life where you could completely commit to someone so amazing? Was the act of being completley vulnerable and finally handing everything over to Goddes that terrified you? What were the exact reasons? Think about them... Do you even remember? you see... The best kind of good boys actually work on themselves when they have found the right Goddess. Good boys communicate with their Goddess and ask how to serve Her better... Good boys go ease in and go at a pace that they know will keep the relationship growing. For a good boy Losing Goddess is never an option... And for the not so good boys? Well they are the ones who get scared, they use fear as an excuse to lash out, they often flake... and then *poof* they vanish, or in some cases they are simply dismissed for being unworthy... A Goddess doesn't have the time to be disrespected by someone they gave the privilege of being in Their life. So... If you have been one of the not so good boys who was dismissed by a Goddess... Have you figured out why? How does it make you feel? Does it keep you up at night... Are you constantly wondering how things could've gone differently? What if you actually tried? Do you constantly fantasize about all the ways that you could be a better sub? How does failure feel? you don't have to tell Me... Goddess knows... I know that it makes you feel even more alone than you were before. Because you are lost without a Goddess to guide the way... And that's all your fault.

Did you love your Goddess? Do you still love Her? Do you miss Her laugh... The way She used to tease and torment you? The way that a single message from Her was the highlight of your day? Do you still want what's best for Goddess? Does it drive you crazy that you no longer have the privilege of belonging to Her... Living a life of constant regret. When something amazing happens, you want to tell Her... But you can't because She's gone from your life. Was your Goddess... Truly your Dream Goddess? If you answered yes, to any or all of these questions... What exactly is still holding you back? The answer? It's simple... It's you. Only you can change the storyline. Why? Even with the right Goddess, She can only do so much to engage with you. Goddess won't engage with a sub who isn't responsive, nor will She engage with a sub who is constantly conflicted. An uneager sub is a turnoff. A Goddess leads a busy life, and yes, a sub is allowed to feel conflict, but constantly? That's just emotionally draining on a relationship. Fighting a sub constantly isn't hot. Goddess wants to feel good, She wants you to feel good. your purpose as a sub is to make Goddess's life easier. Healthy communication is fine... But many subs don't know how to communicate/fear it and this ultimately causes issues. When some subs feel conflicted they tend to lash out. Lashing out a Goddess due to your internal conflict is unacceptable. Telling your Goddess what bothering you, vs attacking your Goddess are two completely different things. A Goddess wants Her subs to be happy serving Her, a miserable sub serving against his own will isn't hot. It's gross, and it's also a huge buzzkill.

Do you think a Goddess wants a sub who constantly says, "no" or other rude things? A Goddess has no desire to respond to a sub who isn't making Her feel good, nor does She care to respond to a sub who doesn't consider Her feelings before acting . There are always healthy ways to deal with conflict, so why do some subs deal with things in such a negative way? Usually, because they are scared to be emotional vulnerable. Fear holds them back. This is kind of ridiculous due to the fact that most subs do some pretty intimate things without even giving it a second thought. But why is it when it comes to emotional vulnerability they freeze? A subs mind while horny vs. a subs mind while not horny are two completely different things. It is super important to feel comfortable and trust Goddess in all levels/states before engaging into a serious D/s relationship. If a sub can't do this... Well it's completley selfish.

Let Goddess ask you this why did you get into a D/s relationship? And what made you run from it? I can almost 100% guarantee that the answer to this question is some form conflict. It just happens. Humans feel conflict, it's what makes humans... Well, human. The difference is how you deal with the conflict. Conflict will either make or break a relationship. If conflict is dealt with constructively, it will help a relationship grow even stronger. Conflict is something that CAN be worked through, in some cases compromises can/will be made. Conflicted feelings are NOT a reason to run from a relationship. Conflict is not a reason to mistreat a Goddess either. Conflict should not be a death sentence to a relationship. However, conflict will aways be a death sentence to any relationship when there is a failure of communication. Sure, it's scary to admit that things scare you. But if you can't admit what scares you... How can you expect a relationship to grow? If something bothers you and you don't communicate it, how will the other Person know? If the relationship progression is too fast/too slow for you and you don't communicate it, how can things be adjusted to a level where you are both comfortable? These questions sound pretty 101, but these reason are often the reason why a D/s relationship will fail. The sad reality is that all of these reasons are 100% preventable with communication.

So if you are reading this blog... you've probably failed a Goddess. The perfect Goddess. That's unfortunate. Failure. What a terrible word. No sub wants to be called a failure by the Person they cared for more than anybody else... The person that you gave your mind, body and soul to... And just like that it's over. The worst part is... She will always have a part of you that you can't get back. But you are the one who caused this. Welcome to Failure... and if you're not already there... Hold on tight, soon comes the loneliness. Is failure final? No, not if it's dealt with properly. But as a sub if you constantly fail to acknowledge your failure, it will cause permanent damage. The thing is... The perfect Goddess can replace you. Replace you with a sub who puts Her first, with someone who truly appreciates how amazing She is, with no drama attached. And I hope you just realized how I referrred to "the Goddess" and not "your Goddess," because once you are out of Goddess's life She isn't your anything. So here you are reading this blog, there's a large chance that you are reading it alone... you're feeling lonely...Godessless. you must've screwed up badly. Well, you can Live and learn and grow, or don't and remain miserable.

So how does a screwup of a sub manage to repair loneliness? First step is acknowledgement of their actions... and of course making the actual effort to grow, to be a better sub. Fix yourself first. Imagine that. Denial and ignoring your problems will get you nowhere... Focus on self-reflection, learn how to admit that you were wrong, and most importantly be willing to learn. Fully understanding the meaning of servitude, will help you grow WITH Goddess... If you are so lucky to get another chance. Together you can learn how to be/work up to being completley vulnerable. There is nothing hotter than when a sub gives 100% of himself to their Goddess. That 100% doesn't have to be today... But the promise of that being a possibility? It's so hot. If you can't even try to do any of these things, your loneliness will only fester, it will grow deeper until it eventually consumes you. Sure, you can try to replace your Goddess with someone else, or try to ignore your submissive side completely... But you know that isn't possible. you are who you are. Nothing in life will ever compare to the amazing connection you once shared with Goddess. What a sad life you will lead trying to chase that connection with someone other than Goddess... Only to later realize that you will never find it again.

So... The question is...what are you going to do? you can be lonely, be miserable, you can constantly deny the sub that you are, and you can even go through countless Goddess's unable to find the same level of happiness... Or you know... There is the obvious solution... Finally swallow your pride and beg for a place back into the place you feel at home. Goddess is your home. Today is as good as any day... The longer you wait... The smaller the chance of forgiveness becomes.