Adjusting Expectations For your Domme. (Basic Blog #7)

Having realistic expectations for your Domme. Somehow this has become a blog. This blog isn't meant to be "preachy" but to educate as many subs nowadays seem to be confused what a Domme actually is... A person. Some of you "subs" fail to recognize that a Domme is more than just a "Domme." A Domme is not an emotionless 2 dimensional object created solely for you to worship. A Domme just doesn't solely exist on this earth to Dominate submissives. For example: I am university educated. I have MULTIPLE revenue streams. I have a relationship, a family (not talking about little ones. No way.), a business and many other things to take care of. I lead a busy life outside of "talking to subs/having an online presence." I handle My own business/don't rely on anyone to pay My bills. So, no I won't be available whenever you come calling. That's totally unrealistic. I CHOOSE how to allocate My time.

Yes, I am a Domme. I have subs because I ENJOY having subs. Being a Domme is a part of who I am. Without subs something would be missing from My life. Being a Domme is NOT a hustle or way of survival. I enjoy Domming. I enjoy interacting with My subs. I get off on submission. Yes, I love being a Domme. I love a good finsub. Yes, I am successful independently but who doesn't love having more? There's a difference. This is about building an even stronger empire, with the help of My loyal subs. Hot.

1. Approaching a Domme

A lot of "subs" that approach online nowadays are quite demanding. These subs expect the Domme that they approach to be eager and bright eyed when they approach. you know... Like they are the only sub in the World. Newsflash, this isn't how things work. Popular Dommes and Dommes who have an online reputation/following, get multiple messages everyday. This isn't a brag, this isn't a holier than thou statement, it's literally the truth. Dommes get bombarded with messages from subs on the regular. So guess what? Just because you message a Domme it doesn't mean that She has to respond. It doesn't mean that She has to entertain your kinks, it doesn't mean ANYTHING. you sent a message. Congratulations. Wait it out. Remember it's about what you can do for the Domme not about what She can do for you. If She doesn't respond that doesn't give you the right to attack Her, call Her names, or attack Her reputation. A random Domme on the internet DOESN'T owe you anything. Drop your ego and move on. Got it? Good.

Next.

2. A Domme's FREE Online Content.

Just because a Domme posts online content... Literal online content thats public, the stuff that the whole World can see... It doesn't mean that you know Her. She isn't posting it thinking about you, especially, if She doesn't know that you exist... If you've never approached, or if you've been rejected, your opinion on Her content or the way She lives Her life literally doesn't matter. If you're a lurker and the Dommes FREE content no longer tickles your fancy. Stick to your lurker ways, keep quiet and even better LEAVE. Nobody is forcing you to be here, there are literally thousands of other Dommes pages you can be on. A Domme NEVER owes a sub anything, especially when it comes to free content. Free content is a gift, and if you don't like it? Too bad so sad. :(

3. you Have Her Attention. Congratulations. Now What?

Oh! Great! you actually got a Dommes attention! But how do you keep it? This is easy. No this isn't a trick. This is the truth. If you screw this part up, it's on you. If you have a Dommes attention the number one rule is respect. Well, respect and knowing your place. As far as the Domme meeting your expectations go... If you approach as a submissive, be a submissive. If you're not submissive don't fake it. If you don't know if you're looking for/aren't truly ready for something serious, address it. If you're confused about your role, maybe you're a switch. ADDRESS it. your Domme can't read your mind, and She definitley isn't your punching bag to rid of your frustrations and internal conflict. If a Domme can't read your mind how can She meet your expectations? What are your expectations? Do you even know? Oh, also NEVER expect your Domme to be available whenever you want Her to be. If your Domme isn't available 24/7 deal with it, respect that. I'm sure as a sub you aren't available 24/7 either. Everyone has a life outside of kink. Some have jobs, relationships, families, you know real life priorities. All that matters at the end of the day is open communication. If a Domme tells you when She's available, respect that. Don't be toxic. Don't attack Her and blow up Her phone if you want to talk to Her and She's unavailable. 1. That doesn't make Her want to talk to you. 2. Being a demanding bitch isn't the subs job. ;) 3. An overly needy sub isn't a turn on. There is a fine line between eager and straight up needy. 4. you don't want to be harassed when you have other things going on, so have some mutual respect. 5.If you want to keep your Dommes attention and affections... Just be a good boy. It's that simple. (This also applies to play time and interactions, you can't force a Domme to want to play with you. Roleplay isn't hot. If your Domme isn't in the mood it's probably for a reason, you can ask, or why don't you try to get Her in the mood instead of throwing a fit or getting frustrated instead? How's that for a lightbulb idea?)

4. What is a Domme?

This was touched on briefly in the beginning and it needs to be touched on again. Okay so the BDSM World has blown up a lot over the years. Especially the Findom scene. Dommes seem to be everywhere, they are glamorized, they are hot, young, old, bratty, pretty, nurturing, sadistic, blah blah blah. There ARE so many damn Dommes online it's like going to a vending machine or a build-a-bear and picking out which one you want. Right? WRONG. Okay so there are a lot of Dommes online. TRUE. Are all Dommes created EQUAL? No. Are all dommes Dommes? No. Like okay, I'm saying respect ALL Women, but not all dommes who claim to be Dommes are Dommes. you know what I mean?? Much like the polluted dating scene, the "availability" of Dommes around you seems endless. LUCKY you. But anyways, within all this pollution, there are Dommes who actually aren't playing dress up and are sincere. There are Dommes who are doing this for the love of kink, and They actually respect the BDSM World, and not just for the love of Money, or the desperate need for it. Because let's be honest the kink World has turned into a hustle and it's sad, because it's not. Dommes shouldn't do whatever a sub wants just because they tribute. That's gross. To true kinksters D/s is a lifestyle, an actual way of life. Okay, okay, before I go too far off track and touch on subjects mentioned on other blogs, I need to focus. :) So the true Dommes out there, they aren't just 2 dimensional objects trying to make a dollar. They aren't role playing. They don't have endless amounts of time to cater to you and your wants. Gross. And true Dommes are actually looking for something meaningful. So no, these Dommes may not be as "active" online as the rest of the hustlers. And it's not because they're "lazy" or not "competitive," it's because They DON'T need to be. Simple as that. Kinksters love kink and do it for the love of kink, not because they need it to pay for food. For example, okay not everyone is born into privilege, born into one of the best countries in the World, given everything they need growing up and more, gets an amazing university education, has a trust, their own business, homes, blah blah ect. But some of us do. Others also have you know, like actual full time jobs and income. Because a STRONG Domme doesn't rely on ANY type of man to support Her. Having to rely on a sub for support? That's like a SD/sb relationship. Or... Like do you think this is the new welfare system? Do subs hand out food stamps? Hate to break it to you. When a Domme has to rely on someone to support them, it's ultimately when they don't have/lose any power in the dynamic. So, to get to the point, what is My point? A strong Domme doesn't need you to survive. She doesn't need to hustle or be online 24/7. She doesn't need to beg for reimbursements, bills or gas to be paid. In a crisis, a strong ass Woman can take care of Herself. So for you subs who think that a Domme needs you, and needs to hustle and work hard to get as many subs as possible to be successful, you are wrong. Sorry you've been mislead by they posers on the internet needing a white knight but the majority of us bomb ass Women don't need you. you can go cry now, or go feel needed by the girl who needs her $10 McDonalds bill reimbursed/paid for so she can eat tonight. :) Or you know... Find a sugar baby who will do anything for a dollar instead.

5. A Domme's Mental Health.

This shouldn't have to be stated but here we are. As stated above subs often forget that Dommes are humans who feel things and have real emotions. No, Dommes do not solely exist for you to worship. Dommes are not objects. Dommes are not emotionless, soulless, sadistic, twisted people or whatever other idea that you have. Dommes sometimes need breaks. If a Domme says so respect that. A Domme shouldn't be expected to be on social media 24/7, 365 for you to ogle at. Once again, Dommes have lives, careers, family, blah, blah, blah, I stated this all above and don't want to start sounding like a broken record. But this is one thing that seems to be overlooked the most. Dommes can be private, Myself for example, I don't go sharing My Personal and private life on the internet. When crisis hits, I take care of it Myself, I don't go posting on the internet asking for handouts, I don't need saving. When loss happens, I keep it to Myself, as I am a very private person. I don't need charity, or help handling My business. When crisis hits I don't announce it looking for pity. Let Me be honest, a lot of shit hit the fan this year, quarantine wasn't the only obstacle, I have experienced a lot of ups and downs. But Goddess dealt with it all without having to announce it to you or ask for any help, because I am not a damsel in distress. Maybe I didn't post as much as you would've liked, maybe My content hasn't been as engaging as it has been in the past, but have you ever thought why? Maybe My energy was focused elsewhere. Do you even care. Probably not, because 99% of you see Me and an object and mean nothing to Me in My every day life, and no that isn't an attack or a jab it's just the truth. Those of you who do care about My mental health, those of you who have reached out when I haven't been online, shown you give a eff about My mental and physical health during this pandemic among other things, you are appreciated, and you haven't gone unnoticed. But yes, sometimes the real World comes knocking, sometimes My energy and focus needs to be elsewhere, that is how life works. Shit happens, loss happens, and it sucks, but at the end of the day, I am a strong, successful independent Woman. I am the priority. And if you're My sub your priority should be the same. I can't be in online Domme "work" mode 24/7 when I have things going on in My life, its not healthy, nor do I need to be. I'm not here to entertain the masses. I'm here for Me. I'm here to feel good. So when Domming online is too much emotionally, or mentally, I won't be posting. I'll be offline living My life, communicating with My true subs, and pampering Myself while handling My business. And like I've said in the past, just because I'm offline it doesn't mean that I'm not active or not communicating with My subs, because My true subs make Me happy, it's just that sometimes My priorities need to change. And when My priorities change, online social media is the least of My worries. My Personal life and own needs will always come first. Self care is always a priority. 2020 has been a bitch but as a result it has only made Me stronger. I'll just leave it that.

So what have we learned today? I want to cut this blog off soon as it was supposed to be "basic." Yes, it's all over the place, if you read until the end congratulations. But this blog has been written to show that Queens/Goddess's/Dommes are more than objects. We are not here to entertain you and your wants. your Expectations should not be unrealistic or self focused. D/s relationships are supposed to be mutualistic, and full of understanding. The second you dehumanize your Domme and put what you want first and create unrealistic expectations, you are creating a very toxic situation. Having a Domme to serve is a blessing, don't screw it up.