Toxic sub Habits That you Need To Change Today.

A sub never wants to believe that they are toxic. Why would a they intentionally engage in behaviour that could compromise their D/s relationship with their perfect Goddess? Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that many subs are just toxic... Intentionally or unintentionally. So, if you're a sub, sitting here reading this... you may be wondering if you are a toxic sub. you may even be asking... What is it that makes a sub toxic? This blog will break down some of the most common ways that a sub can be toxic and also explain how to correct the toxic behaviour before it has caused damage beyond repair.

1. Holding grudges against your Domme, and throwing past mistakes in Her face.

Holding grudges is unhealthy, this shouldn't have to be said... It's just super unhealthy and unproductive when a sub continuously places the blame on their Domme whenever conflict arrises. A sub should never use mistakes or errors that their Domme has made in the past as a weapon, in order to justify their unsublike inappropriate and toxic behaviour today. (Especially when the Domme has already apologized, corrected and has not repeated such behaviour that had happened in the past.)

Why it's toxic: Using past wrongdoings against your Goddess is a crutch, and it is never a healthy way for a sub to justify their current inappropriate behaviour. Lashing out, is not productive because you are only deflecting away from whatever the current issue is that you are having, and what makes it even worse is that you’re using guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your Domme into feeling wrong in the present. (Even when the reason you are upset presently has nothing to do with what happened in the past. This is almost as bad as gaslighting. AKA not cool.)

The solution: Deal with every issue individually unless they are actually related. If your Domme constantly does ________ and it makes you uncomfortable/upset then that’s obviously an issue. But if your Goddess humiliated you over 4 months ago and now you're just mad just because She ignored or denied you today, well, hate to break it to you, but those two events are completely unrelated, so don't even bring it up. Let the past be the past.

2. General Passive Agressive Behaviour.

Passive agressive behaviour can stem from many things, here are a few examples, a sub could be holding themself back from asking a question that has been on their mind all day or even all week, they also might not have built up the the courage to say the words, or maybe there is something new that they want to try with their Goddess, maybe they need permission to do something outside of the D/s, regardless of the scenario, the common denominator here is that the sub is too scared to directly ask the question or to ask for permission from their Goddess... In any of these scenarios, a sub might try to drop hints to their Goddess... Hoping that She will figure out what Her sub wants on Her own. The sub will often go through all kinds of backwards effort, instead of just saying what they actually want... And since Goddess isn't a mind reader, She may not be picking up on what they want. The result? Due to frustration the sub willl find small and petty ways to upset Goddess, and then the tipping point comes... Where the sub finally explodes and says what they were thinking from the start anyways.

Why it’s toxic: It's unnecessary drama. It clearly shows that the sub is not comfortable communicating clearly and openly to their Goddess. A sub has zero reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel comfortable around their Goddess. A Goddess doesn't judge, and She even encourages healthy communication. Goddess wants Her subs to feel comfortable opening up to Her. A sub should never feel the need to be passive agressive instead of straight up saying what's on their mind, especially if they know they won’t be judged or criticized for it.

The solution: Always be sure to tell your Goddess exactly how you feel. Work on your communication with your Goddess. Have Her draw lines and boundaries for you to stay in. if you want to adjust or need something outside of them, ask politely and respectfully. If a sub can experience some of the most intimate and intense moments with their Goddess they should have no problem telling Her what is on their mind.

3. Tanking The Relationship/Questioning It's Validity Due To Being Upset.

When a sub has an issue with something their Goddess did or said and then continue to undermine their entire D/s Relationship with their Goddess by threatening their overall commitment to the relationship. An example: If the sub feels like their Goddess has been distant.... Instead of saying, “I feel like you’re not interested in me serving you sometimes.” The sub will say something dumb like, “I can’t serve a Goddess who is distant all of the time.”

Why it’s toxic: It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Not every instance of miscommunication should result in the sub questioning the entire validity of the relationship. It’s crucial for both the Domme and sub to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely, and that clear and honest communication will/should never put the relationship at risk. Conflict is meant to be worked through, it's not an unpenetrable wall. The last thing a sub needs to do is hide their thoughts and feelings behind anger or frustration. This will always lead to distrust and manipulation within the relationship.

The solution: It’s perfectly normal for a sub to get upset with their Goddess. But the sub needs to understand that committing to their Goddess in a relationship and always liking/agreeing with Her actions on a specific day are not the same thing. A sub can still be 100% committed to their Goddess and not always agree with everything She does or says. To make it even clearer... A sub can still be loyal and devoted to their Goddess, while being annoyed or angered by Her actions at the same time. So what's the solution?? This one is easy... Communicate!!! Work through your emotions. Successful relationships take WORK. Tell your Goddess what bothers you... Tell Her why it bothers you. Maybe She had no idea. you can work through conflict without questioning the integrity of your relationship... Once again... communicate. This will help strengthen your commitment and your overall relationship with your Goddess.

4. Blaming your Goddess For your Emotions.

Maybe a sub is having a bad day and is feeling that their Goddess isn’t being sympathetic, or supportive but maybe She isn't even aware. She could be preoccupied with Her other subs, Her Boyfriend, or something else is going on in Her life, and yes, these things are probably taking the attention off of the sub. Maybe the sub has tried to engage in conversation and their Goddess has come off completely distracted or even seems disinterested. Maybe all the sub wants is some attention or even some playtime from Goddess, but unfortunatley, She is preoccupied with other things in Her life... And as a result the sub lashes out at Her. The sub has had a terrible day, and Goddess has done nothing about it to make the sub feel better. Sure, the sub never asked or told Her that something was wrong, but the sub thinks to themself that Goddess should've KNOWN better. Goddess should've dropped everything in Her life, She should've known, just because thy are having a terrible day.

Why it’s toxic: Blaming your Goddess for your emotional outbursts or bad day is selfish, this also shows that you are lacking personal boundaries. A sub should never hold the expectation that their Goddess is solely responsible for their individual happiness. This typle of behaviour creates an unhealthy level of dependancy. It's not fair to assume that your Goddess will always plan Her life and schedule around you. you serve Her NOT the other way around. Every little thing that your Goddess does in Her life does NOT have to involve you. Goddess is also not a mind reader. Goddess is also definitely not a punching bag, emotional or otherwise.

The solution: Take responsibility for your own emotions. It's not your Goddess's fault that you had a bad day, and there's a large chance She didn't know about it either. you need to communicate to Goddess if something is bothering you, (Goddess isn't a mind reader) and if there is something that She can do to make you feel better, ASK Her. If you need space to collect your thoughts and emotions that's okay too, just communicate it effectively. Lashing out only hurts both of you. And that's not okay.

5. Being Jealous of Goddess's Other subs.

If a sub is constantly, getting upset/angry when their Goddess talks, calls, texts, plays with, gets tributed by, or even when She collars another sub. News flash, not healthy. Things get even worse when the sub proceeds to take their take anger and jealousy out on Goddess, which is just a desperate attempt to control where She distributes Her time and attention... It's not helpful. Not to mention, this is just a gateway that will lead into even crazier behavior. A sub may start blowing up Goddess's phone trying to divert the attention to themself, they may even threaten the relationship or even their own life. There is no limit to the extremes a sub may go to.

Why it’s toxic: Wanting your Goddess for yourself and only yourself isn't how you show devotion and respect. It’s controlling and manipulative. Not giving Goddess personal space and not respecting Her boundaries jus causes drama and fighting. An extremely needy sub is a turn off. A sub should be able to breathe and function without their Goddess holding their hand 24/7.

The solution: Respect your Goddess's needs. She has a life outside of you, no matter how much that reality might pain you. Yes, jealousy is natural human emotion, but She needs to draw the line somewhere. Excessive jealousy and controlling behaviour towards your Goddess are only signs of your own insecurities and feelings of unworthiness. Take a step back, and learn to deal with them... Focus on the issues at hand and work on getting better. Do not force everything onto your Goddess. It's overwhelming and will only end up pushing Her away. A good sub should also be happy that Goddess is being worshipped, adored and expanding Her empire, like the Queen that she is. If Goddess is happy and thriving the sub should find pleasure and joy in that as well, even if they aren't the one providing it 100% of the time.

6. Buying your Way Out Of Conflict.

Any time a major conflict or issue comes up within the D/s relationship, instead of communicating in a healthy manner/facing the issue and solving it, the sub will bury the issue with a quick apology and by sending Goddess an expensive gift or large tribute.

Why it’s toxic: Sure, a Goddess loves to be worshipped and spoiled, but sending a gift to ignore /cover up/avoid the problem, is only a temporary bandaid. The gift doesn't solve the problem, it only covers it up... Which means it's only a matter of time before that problem re-surfaces and the fight will be even worse next time. Gifting to hide problems is unhealthy. Sure... It feels good, but it's also masking the real issue at hand. Goddess would much rather confront the issue and then recieve the gift as a bonus. A good sub needs to be trained right. If problems aren't directly addressed it gives the sub no incentive to actually be held accountable for the problems within the relationship. The result? A checked-out sub/ATM, and a Goddess who will eventually tire of the gifts, due unresolved issues that can no longer be ignored.

The solution: Deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Does Goddess feel ignored or unappreciated? Talk about the ways that you can make Her feel good. Did the sub act out of line or inappropriately? Does the sub feel neglected? How does Goddess and Her sub ensure that it doesn't happen again? Communication!!! There’s is absolutley nothing wrong with tributing or gifting your Goddess after a fight to show that you still appreciate and adore Her. But a sub should never use gifts or fancy things to replace facing the actually issues at hand. Tributes and gifts are called luxuries for a reason, you only get to appreciate them when everything else is already amazing. If you use tributes them to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problems down the line.

So there you have it... Some examples of toxic sub behaviour. Covering them all would take Me forever, and Goddess doesn't have forever to sit around and blog. If any of these scenarios sound familiar hopefully you will use this blog as a guideline to correct your behavior for next time. There is nothing hotter than a healthy, thriving D/s relationship... One that is full of communication, worship, friendship, torture, and joy.