Toxic subs, When Should You Cut The Cord? Part 1.

Any experienced Domme has gone through this dilemma. Sometimes one of Your subs who You deeply care for becomes an "issue." I don't take the word issue lightly. Any dedicated Domme in a D/s relationship will go to lengths to repair any issues within an established D/s relationship. (This blog is focused on Owned subs. This isn't about just any random run of the mill sub.) For a sub to have reach owned status means that this sub has proven that they are worthy of a collar. This sub has made it through the extremely challenging consideration period. A Domme to actually collaring a sub is a big deal. Collaring may happen after several months or even years of consideration. Many subs will apply and work towards earning a collar, few will actually earn it, so what happens when a sub who has earned his collar begins to become extremely emotionally taxing on his Domme? This blog is going to touch on the possible courses of action that the Domme can take in such a situation.

A collared sub to Me is a cherished sub, someone who isn't instantly disposable. A collared sub is a sub who I have built and intense connection with. To the sub his Domme should be one of the closest if not the CLOSEST person in his life. When a sub starts acting odd a flag or two may be raised.

1. Why??

You may ask Yourself why Your sub is acting this way. When a sub starts acting questionably any rational Domme will try to get to the route of the issue. Your sub cares about You so what has triggered this change in behaviour? Is it fear of longterm/eternal commitment? Is it because they have been unfaithful? Guilty about something? Have they been conflicted about "normalcy" and how they have been living their life? Do they want more time to do their "own thing?" Are they facing emotional distress in their vanilla life? Step one is always to confront Your sub, fighting fire with fire is NEVER the answer. Volatility is not healthy for either party. Talk to Your sub, like a person and try to get to the bottom of it, hopefully You get an answer and can begin to repair the relationship if You choose to. Open communication is key. Without communication a relationship will die.

2. Okay, so now You know "why", now to repair.

Is the sub cooperating with the repair? Maybe he was/is for a few months, weeks or even days, but now he's gone off the handle even further, maybe he's being disrespectful. Saying "no." Maybe he is even saying hurtful things. How long will You put up with toxic behaviour until enough is enough? It get's tricky when the sub "apologizes" tells You that they will be a "good boy" and that "it won't happen again." The problem here? It's usually so far from the truth. So maybe he apologizes, sends a bunch of tribute and all seems fine and dandy, but is it? Nope. A few weeks later the destructive cycle continues. This is where You ask Yourself as a Domme, "When is enough, enough."

--------- Apology--------- |

^ v

| Good boy behaviour

Acceptance The Toxic |

^ sub cycle v

| Saying "No."/Ghosting

Toxic Behaviour |

^ v

| <---- -- - Resistance/Desire <-------

to be "normal."

3. So You care about him, but where does the caring stop?

This is the hard part. Caring can only go so far. Your owned sub is more than a sub, You care about him deeply, he's a friend even. But You need to be able to differentiate a friend from a parasite. Harsh words I know. Sure he pays, maybe even a lot when he apologizes, but it gets to a point when the cash doesn't make up for the hurt. If You never know which version of Your sub You're going to be talking to that day it's probably a sign that something is very wrong. It's up to You as a Domme to decide when to cut the sub off. Owned subs need to be released, so when You decide enough is enough make sure Your "severance package" is paid before cutting all ties. But once You've been paid make it clear to the sub that all contact will cease moving forward. The issue with toxic subs is their dependancy. A toxic subs dependancy is far from the "good type." The toxic sub wants to be a good boy" on their own terms." Pay attention to the cycle. This isn't about Goddess, servitude isn't selective, so don't be blinded by the dollar signs. Ask Yourself why he pays, is it to make You happy? Or is it about him getting off? Connect the dots. When the sub is "mean" Why? And when the sub is being toxic is he doing it for free attention? Notice how the toxic sub may say he "wants to be normal" but still wants to fight and earn Your attention, he may even apologize, but that apology may be taken back as soon as he doesn't get what he wants, so was his apology even an apology? No. Will he take responsibility for his actions or make excuses? Or will he just admit he "fucked up" once he's run his toxic course? Once a subs toxic behaviour begins to impact Your overall mental health, sleep patterns, daily life ect, enough is enough. If You've given him a few chances to change, and if he hasn't by this point it's best to say good bye. No Domme deserves false servitude. No Domme deserves a sub who will sacrifice his Dommes mental health to get what he wants or to "prove a point."

There are countless subs out there, and yes a collared one may be held closer in Your life, but if that collared sub begins to be the one draining You, You should probably consider moving on after taking the appropriate steps and having no success. Sometimes We make mistakes collaring a sub, sometimes their true colours show late, and sometimes relationships can be salvaged. It is up to You regarding which road that

You want to take. Just because someone is a sub, it doesn't mean that they can't be a toxic person. A sub can also be a narcissist and YES a sub can be abusive. Don't let these things fly under he radar, don't let him gaslight You, just because they are a "sub." subs can be assholes too. When You start to care more about Your subs emotional well being and happiness than he does about Yours that's a HUGE issue. D/s relationships are symbiotic, they need to be in order to thrive. Remember, You are amazing, and the sub is lucky to have YOU. One sub goes and a better one comes along. Don't ever let a sub bring You down, or control You with his wallet, it's the other way around. You are in control and if he doesn't see how lucky he is to have You? BYE!