The Dark Side Of D/s Relationships. PT 1.(Domme Drop.)

With World mental health day just passing, I wanted to shine a light on one of the less talked about subjects, the affects a D/s relationship has a on a Dommes mental health. I'm not scared or ashamed to admit I have battled with depression up and down My whole life. Dommes can often be scared to show vulnerability, but this is something real that needs to be addressed. Domme Drop is very real, and it can be a scary thing, especially when a Domme loses control of Her emotions and thoughts and ultimatley and feels alone in the dark.

D/s relationships can be great, amazing even, but there are times where they can be toxic and ultimately detrimental to Y/your mental health. So many subs solely focus on "sub drop" they experience, but they rarely if ever think about the drop that occurs on the other side.

In a D/s relationship the Domme is completely invested in it. I personally will never take on a sub who I do not completely care for. A sub puts their entire life and trust in Your hands, and doing so it causes an emotional shift within a Domme. This Domme knows that the sub has given Her the ultimate gift, true servitude. Servitude is wonderful, it is fulfilling on both ends. The Domme and the sub have created a mutualistic symbiotic relationship. A symbiotic relationship is the only way for the relationship to truly succeed. We've all heard what happens when a sub doesn't get aftercare, but rarely about the Domme. Dommes like to create this I don't give a fuck persona sometimes, but Dommes are emotionally vulnerable too, after all We are human. This blog is going to shine a light on the less covered subject of what a "Domme drop" actually is.

A D/s relationship is intimate, it's intense, it's real. And just with any intimate exciting moment there come high-highs, and if proper care isn't followed through there can also be extremely low-low's. A good Domme knows to provide after care to Her sub. She makes sure that they come down from their high at a safe rate, and that they are left level and feel cared for after an intense experience. If a Domme were to vanish on Her sub after a session without a word it can be mentally and emotionally damaging to a sub. Why would you share something so intense and amazing with someone and walk away and leave them in a blissful euphoric state to fend for themselves? The answer is that you shouldn't. Reality hitting can be extremely damaging.

Unfortunately some subs, only think of their feelings after amazing D/s highs, what they want/need without any regard for their Domme or Her feelings. This can be extremely hurtful. A Domme puts everything She has emotionally into a session with Her sub, She feels a rush and it's amazing. But if it ends abruptly, and the sub vanishes in the atmosphere then it all comes crashing down, She starts to spiral, especially when She is extremely emotionally invested in a D/s relationship with them. The sub who is currently experiencing a selfish high eventually will often come down from that high and feel guilty, or want to come back to the Domme for "another hit," sometimes days, weeks, months or even years later. But how likely do you think the Domme is willing to take the sub back on that when they left Her in a euphoric state that came crashing down and hurt Her when he vanished without a word? Maybe once or twice She will forgive them. But eventually that bridge will be burned and the sub will never be able to cross into Her World again.

True servitude is a privilege.

Just like in a vanilla relationship it hurts being ghosted by someone you thought you had a connection with. You begin to question why this just happened, was there something you could've done differently? Is it your fault? Let's be honest it probably wasn't. That person was just a selfish asshole who only put their feelings under consideration at the expense of yours. Sure, as a Domme you can say You won't get overly "emotionally invested" in a sub, but hey, it happens. some subs, hold a closer place in your mind and in Your heart. D/s relationships aren't something light. They WILL affect you emotionally. All Dommes aren't heartless, (the heartless ones usually aren't even Dommes, they just want to take advantage.) there are Dommes who genuinely care, and when stupid subs don't realize this for whatever reason and think that all Dommes are the same, this is where they ultimately go wrong, AND at the expense of their Dommes mental state, and eventually even their own lasting happiness.

A D/s needs communication to flourish. If a sub is having a bad day, they need to communicate it.

If a sub is feeling tired, they need communicate it. If a sub is feeling conflicted they need to communicate it. Vanishing in the middle of a conversation repeatedly is hurtful and offensive, and will cause the Domme an emotional drop, She will also begin to feel disconnected from the relationship and begin to question everything. A Domme can only care so much until She sees the D/s for what it was. One sided. If a sub can't communicate his feelings, and can't care about anyone other than himself, why bother? Why allow someone to continue to cause you pain?

It begins to be quite clear when a sub is only in it for himself, for instance, if his Domme were to reward him with a little edging, or even an orgasm, and then poof he vanishes without a word. This sub got what he wanted out of it, his pleasure, and bounces, without any regard for his Dommes feelings on the other side. Sometimes the sub just doesn't want to stop at the edging and makes his orgasm the priority. Which is stupid because it's only a temporary euphoria that will fade fast. A Dommes care is everlasting and so much more valuable than a stupid orgasm. More often than not if it was a CBT, mental mind fuck or humiliation session, without release or edging that sub will stick around for the aftercare. But male subs wills sometimes get lost in their own minds and stupidly put their cock above everything. Primal and moronic, a sub begins to think that his pleasure trumps the pleasure of his Domme. WRONG. he begins to think that his orgasm and stroking is more important than this amazing connection he created with his Domme. he forgets the meaning of sacrifice. he forgets how amazing it is to have a place at his Perfect Goddess's feet. cocks are useless and cause nothing but problems most of the time when it comes to subs. And this is why I seldom will let a sub focus on his. It's actually pathetic. Chastity can solve a lot of issues. (If the sub is willing to make that sacrifice.)

When a Domme rewards you, you should never repay her by pulling a Houdini. That is the equivalent of spitting in Her face. Not very sub like at all is it? No, but it is hurtful. A Domme is an understanding and caring individual Who values the life you put in Her hands, and the relationship that has developed from it. This feeling should always be reciprocated. When it's not, that's when the Domme drop occurs.

Other occurrences of Domme Drop?

-When a sub breaks a daily ritual. A Domme gets used a daily routine and a routine that to ceases to exist? It's hurtful and creates a void in Her Mind.

-When a sub feels conflicted and just vanishes into thin air... Sometimes permanently, for a few days, weeks, months or even years.

-When a sub just says things that are plain hurtful.

-When a sub breaks their Dommes trust.

-When a sub Domme hops out of the blue.

Losing someone who You communicate with daily sucks, and when that person can't give you an explanation? It is hurtful. Dommes are people with feelings too. Sometimes your Domme just needs someone to talk to, and if you as a sub can't be there? When a sub leaves a Domme alone with Her feelings and nobody to talk to? Yeah, that also causes a Domme drop. A D/s is based on trust and understanding and if you as a sub can't also provide that, what kind of sub are you?? A Domme is often a subs therapist, sometimes its nice just to return the favour and listen. D/s relationships are more than just kink, and power exchange. They are extremely real and about as intimate and intense as any relationship can get. A D/s relationship is deep, its vulnerable, and the trust... Breaking that trust that was built up within the safety of it's walls is extremely hurtful and sometimes irreparable.

A D/s relationship is one of the most intimate and vulnerable relationships that two people can have. It's something the Vanilla World will never understand. A D/s relationship can be extremely rewarding and full of amazing highs, the goal for both P/parties in the relationship is to prevent the low-lows and to protect each other. A Domme and sub need to protect each others emotions and respect them. Yes, bad days are going to happen within a relationship, the only way it will survive is if you are there for each other. Communicate. Oh you didn't get what you wanted? So what? you're going to stomp your feet and ruin everything just because you didn't get your way that one time? Oh you're going to shut down and ruin everything because you didn't like one thing that your Domme said? Is the World ending because of it? No. Your Domme knows what's best for you. She's trying to make you a better person and an even better sub. Walking away from conflict for whatever reason causes pain on one side, sub or Domme. Things should never be left unsaid, the least a selfish sub can do if he cared about the Domme even in the slightest is to give closure. Walking away without a word is selfish. If you planned on being selfish, you should've never entered the relationship to begin with. you need to communicate, be vulnerable. So if you're a sub reading this, the next time you think of vanishing on a Domme you have been serving, for whatever reason, think twice, communicate, because by just vanishing, you can cause more damage and pain than you actually know. Respect the relationship that you have created and the Domme and the connection you have created with within it. At the end of the day your Domme is another Human with feelings too. Why would you want to cause someone extreme emotionally pain regardless of the circumstance? Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, how would you feel if this happened to you? Dommes are people with real emotions and lives too, by causing distress you can affect Her more than you know. So don't be that sub.