Findom/Femdom/Servitude and General Kinky Musings.

by Queen Liv

If are interested in different views on the wonderful world of Femdom and Kink I encourage you to continue to read. And for those of you who don't know me very well this is the window into my mind. I am always up for kink talk and other varieties of conversation to expand my knowledge. Different perspectives are everything. Learning should be never ending and I feel like it makes me a better Domme/Human Being. This is going to be a long one... And more than likely it will be all over the place so hold on tight. As I have gone deeper into the world of Findom over the last 5 years of my life I have learned that relationships with purpose in the world of kink (D/s) are no different than the way I would search for a relationship in the vanilla world. Our D/s relationships may not be conventional or understood by those on the outside but they are not much different. We seek connection. We seek purpose. We seek an understanding. We seek satisfaction. We seek new experiences and want to grow. Our D/s relationship's may be unconventional and in our world the scale of equality is not balanced but at the end of the day the two parties involved ultimately seek the same thing. Here... The Domme seeks satisfaction from her submissive and the submissive seeks satisfaction from pleasing his Domme. How the D/s relationship operates is determined by the Domme with the cooperation of the sub. Limits, boundaries ect. The Domme will push her sub to grow and to better her life while enriching his. Both parties should receive growth and experience in one form or another. Without growth the relationship will ultimately fail. Chemistry is just as important in this world. A sub has to be willing as well as feeling safe, and the Domme has to truly be invested into bettering the submissive and ensuring that she gets pleasure out of doing so. All relationships take work. You can't expect money or servitude to just fall at your feet because you are "superior." You must prove it. Slaves do not have to submit to every Domme but they should be respectful. I have learned over time that I don't really have any desire to play with a "sub/slave" who is not serious about LT servitude. It has become clear to me that many slaves have no idea what it means to truly serve. Many have been reduced and programmed into thinking that waving their wallet makes all their problems disappear and that it is also the solution to sweeping their bad behaviour under the rug. Sadly, many slaves think their wallets are the only way that they could ever please their Domme. Wrong. This is one of the many reasons "Findom" has been so frowned upon in the kink community as many people have 0 clue to what it actually entails. A slaves wallet alone will never satisfy a true Domme. As some "slaves" think that they can make the rules, do as they please, misbehave and then can send "x" amount of dollars to their Domme make it all better. Newsflash. That is not servitude. Begging to be drained constantly is also not "serving" a Domme. What that is, is self righteous slave behaviour. Why? Because the act of being "drained" by a Domme is soley to get themselves off whenever they feel "weak. A slave should never just want to abuse their own wallet solely for their own selfish needs. Hungry for a draining? That's nice. If your Domme doesn't feel like draining you but instead using you for something else that day then you accept it. As a slave, one should never put their needs first, wallet, desires, sleep, orgasms, social life, happiness ect. (This is in context to owned slaves.) A Dommes happiness should be every slaves #1 priority. A slaves orgasm should never take priority over his Dommes. A slave should never leave a conversation because they need THEIR sleep. If your Domme is not yet satisfied, the slave should do everything to ensure she is happy before getting/asking permission to leave and get some rest. If a Domme tells her slave pull an all nighter to satisfy her/make things right, then the slave should go to work on 0 sleep and thank her for it. (Unless that could put others lives at risk of course.) These are some components of servitude. Selflessness. A slave should never initiate a message without using Queen (Or however their Domme wants to be addressed) or asking how the slave can please or make his/her Dommes life better. Anything other than addressing your Dommes needs first is wrong. Of course a slave is granted to express concerns but only after his Domme is satisfied first. (With the exception of immediate/life threatening things in extreme circumstances.) I'm not knocking Dommes who just enjoy Findom alone. But in my eyes that is not what full servitude entails. Financial slavery alone will never be able to satisfy me. I will always want more. I want to own my slaves completely, not just the disposable part of them. And yes it takes time, and a ton of reprogramming and risk on both sides, but as I always say trust is not instantly earned it is built. I crave full servitude and not the "Draining"/Financial abuse that many slaves have been accustomed to, and somehow have been deluded into believing thats what servitude is. It's really just a facade. The way I look at Findom/Financial servitude alone is the same way as I look at a Domme or a female and sex with her "Alpha." Sex is amazing. Sex with a new partner is always exciting. But what happens when the relationship becomes just about sex? And not just sex as a whole but sex in one position, 0 experimentation. Let's say the Domme and Alpha only have missionary sex and that's all she ever knows. Sure sex is great, but the same thing over and over becomes boring. Then her mind begins to wander and she wonders what sex would be like with some someone else. And what if said relationship had no foundation other than the sexual means? Then she ultimately will move on and if she only keeps experiencing missionary sex within every relationship, will she ever be fully satisfied if that's all she's ever known? There will almost always be an internal desire for more. I'm not saying this is true for every female, as some women aresatisfied with one sexual partner their whole life. But this is when things get scary. What if the desire for more is there? That indescribable feeling that something in her life is missing. She will feel empty and she will go from man to man until someone actually gives her more. This is the way I feel when it comes to a sub finally feels like submitting to exclusive servitude with his Domme. D/s relationships aren't just about TPE, Bank accounts, and whatever else you may desire to control. Vanilla conversation, and really getting know a slave is just as exciting and beneficial to the relationship. The whole relationship doesn't have to be kink based. As long as the sub knows their place why can't there be a friendship involved as well? When your sub crosses a line, you let them know and punish them if necessary. I truly care for each and every one of my owned subs. I don't see how anything LT could actually form out of constant abuse. There has to be a level of respect coming from both sides. Findom and Femdom go hand and hand. You need to explore, push boundaries, keep the spark going. A relationship built on one thing and one thing alone is set to fail. Personal growth is part of the life experience and if you aren't growing are you really living? If you keep standing still in your own comfort zone you will never really fully experience life. Slaves need to be pushed and moulded, fun and not so fun tasks (depending on who you ask) can be just as beneficial/if or not more satisfying than a tribute. Or imagine both at once. I look at one offs and random sessions the way I look at one night stands. It's fun at the time, it's impulsive, you're scratching an itch. But once the itch is scratched and the other person is gone what do you have left? The memory of an orgasm? There is always more left to be desired. "One-offs"can be exciting in the beginning, but with success you realize how easily the tributes come and "one-offs/sessions" begin to become unappealing. This is speaking from self experience. You become jaded to the act of receiving "meaningless" tributes. You just know that there is more readily available. Money is just as easy to acquire for a Findom as it is to spend it. At this point, I feel that I have grown so much as a Domme and as a person and as a whole prefer money that has meaning behind it. Eventually "whores" or sexually adventurous people or whatever you want to call them will settle down when they find what they have desired their whole life with our without actually knowing it at the time. (This is why I really have no interest/hesitate to initiate conversation with new slaves as they need to explore Findom/Femdom, think of it as you would if you were at a Baskin Robbins and had the opportunity to sample all 31 flavours. I'm not sure if there's more than 31 flavours now, but you get my point. I will speak with new slaves, feel them out, but I will never attempt to force a collar on someone so new. Talk with them, give them advice, and experience but exploration is crucial when they are first experiencing something as intoxicating as this world is.) A sub that sends me 3 digit and even in rare experiences 2 digit tributes that hurt and mean something to them, and who have truly sacrificed to send me something to show their gratitude always means way more to me than a sub who will send me 4 or 5 digits without even thinking about it. A slave that I truly connect and care for is way more valuable to me than a sub with a large bank account. A Domme also needs to be responsible when her slave submits fully, subs can get very impulsive at times and want to send their Domme everything that they have. Dommes need to act responsibly and protect subs from destroying themselves. A Domme needs to have a level of care for her sub if she wants to continue to move forward. A broke sub is not a useful one nor will the sub be happy when they have nothing left to financially provide. Steady "draining" and proper exercise of power will build trust and only make your relationship with your sub that much more meaningful and stronger. Maintain and balance compassion in your relationships without loosening the grip on your slaves balls. Destroying slave after slave is only asking for a life of emptiness. Quality over quantity of slaves will enrich your life. Be picky. I am more than pictures, I am more than a pretty face to drool over, I much more than that. I am real. Most "slaves" are more than just a wallet and actually have more to offer. As a slave you need to show me that you have value and substance, or don't bother approaching me at all. A Domme can actually learn a lot from getting to know her slave. Wallets/Pigs/Losers are readily available to any "pretty face." A wallet alone does not make you a slave. It just means that you have financial fetish. Sacrifice is servitude, selflessness is servitude, emptying your bank account for your own orgasm is not. I'm not by any means knocking Dommes who only have the desire for "Fuck You Pay Me"but when it comes to slaves but I highly recommend that you explore the wonderful world of Femdom further. You may be pleasantly surprised. I have also encouraged this exploration to slaves who have feared making a greater connection or haven't even thought about it all. Slaves can be fearful of the unknown. A slave can truly enrich a Dommes life, bank account included of course. All slaves are snowflakes no two are the same. I'm not one to lie, honestly when I came into this, it was mainly money motivated 5 years ago, I was a university student starting out, my first time away from home, without Mommy and Daddy to pay for everything. I met this girl who was into kink in my condo complex and she introduced me to a website called Collarme (which is now Collarspace) and introduced me to the world on Fin and Femdom. I was weirded and even grossed out at first and couldn't believe that "men" would humiliate themselves this way and do whatever we instructed them to do and sometimes they even sent money for it. This was my introduction to "tributes." When I was green I thought the "Fuck you pay me" method and calling slaves losers/pigs/scum and putting on a "dominant" act was the way to get things. Sure, sometimes this worked. But what I began to realize is that true subs can sniff out a Domme putting on a front. However, as I continued my exploration I also began to discover that I actually enjoyed making men ridiculous and humiliating things. I am someone who deals with OCD, and the whole concept of control in this medium began to do something to me. Something I didn't know was possible. It got me off. I started to become my authentic dominant self. I will never knock someone exploring outside of their boundaries, many will come into this world and realize that it's not just an easy cash grab and leave shortly after. "Instas"if you will. There are also "slaves" who come and go. But some of us will come into this world unexpectedly and learn that there is a part of us that we never knew even existed. This world gives us something, it makes us happier and more complete human beings. I am all about female empowerment and enjoy watching new Dommes blossom into great ones. I am forever grateful for the Domme who introduced me 5 years ago. It's made my life so much more than I ever thought it could be. It filled a hole in my life that I never knew existed. The sessions with her taught me a lot. We all have made mistakes in the past, what matters is that we learn from them. Next time around do things differently. Trial and Error is the only way you can grow in life. Sometimes it's through self experience and other times it's learning through mistakes that others have made. Just be conscious of everything and others around you. Fear and learning to pushing through it can be one of the most rewarding things in life. Taking accountability and apologizing doesn't make you weak. Never be afraid to learn or ask those with experience. Not all Dommes are self-motivated and many enjoy taking new Dommes under their wing. It is very empowering for both sides. Not every slave will have the desire to commit to every Domme. Much like vanilla men some just want to get off and move on. That is until they find the right Domme. Another Dommes trash is another Dommes treasure. So if a slave that has served you in the past finally settles down and finds what he's been searching for, be supportive and happy for him and his Domme. As a community we should support each others growth and success. Eventually everyone finds their match(es.) I am grateful for the core of awesome ladies I have met here since I joined in July. It is refreshing and amazing to have people to talk to, that understand me, and have also my sounding board when I have needed to rant or just needed advice. I have also met many wonderful subs, and have enjoyed talking with them whether they have served me or not. We have a wonderful community here, and often forget how lucky we are to have all found each other. I have rambled enough, I really could go on further. If you got this far, congratulations. I would really enjoy continuing this conversation on in the comments.