The sub-Cycle. Conflict subs face while serving. (Basic Blog#19)

Originally Published March 1st at IcyQueenO.com

Oh conflict, the one thing that tends to come up when unknown territory is approached. New things can be scary, new things can be overwhelming, new things can be (insert word here.). Goddess understands that. What Goddess doesn’t understand is when those situations are always approached and dealt with in the same counterproductive way, hence the beginning of “the sub cycle.” The sub cycle is annoying, and really has no reason to occur. So why does it occur? Selfishness, close mindedness and overall ignorance. What’s one thing a sub and Domme should always have in their relationship? Trust and communication. When neither exists is when problems will begin to occur. This blog will explain how to deal with those conflicts effectively and therefore preventing yourself from heading on another counterproductive sub cycle. I’ve touched on the sub cycle in other blogs but I will post the basic composition of it below so newer readers will have a quick reference to what I am talking about.

The sub common sub cycle.

The cycle doesn’t have a time frame it can sometimes last anywhere from a few hours to a few days and in rare cases even years, the one thing that always holds true however, is that they always come back. Is breaking the cycle possible? Yes, but that takes work. It takes acknowledging that there is a cycle to break. A sub who ignores that the cycle exists will never be able to break it. So how does one begin to break the cycle? Well… First step is acknowledging what the conflict is

Did your Domme introduce a new method of play that you are not sure about?
Did your Domme ask you to complete a task that you don’t feel that you cannot complete?
Did your Domme ask. you to hand over an amount that could cripple you?
Are you questioning if you are a sub?/Wondering if your kinks are normal.
Do you fear losing control?
Do you feel guilty and unworthy of serving such a perfect Domme?

Whatever your reasons are, starting the repeating cycle isn’t a healthy option. So you ask, how do I deal with feelings of conflict effectively? Let’s make this really simple for those of you who get confused easily…

Identify the problem/the point of conflict.
Ask yourself why you are feeling conflicted. (Is fear, guilt of feeling pleasure/this much excitement, a general feeling of being overwhelmed?, Questioning if this is “normal?” Scared to hand over control?)
Confront the conflict. Address the conflict. Tell your Domme why you are feeling conflicted.
COMMUNICATE with your Domme.
Work on finding a solution together.
Agree on a solution, find a solution that puts your feelings of conflict at ease.

Conflict resolution isn’t scary. your Domme has you in Her life for a reason. She wouldn’t let you in, if She didn’t have a purpose for you. subs are still human, and subs have the right to express their emotions and feel conflict. What you need to remember is that you are in a relationship. Relationships involve at least two people. So ask yourself, how does making decisions about a relationship that involves two people on your own constructive? The answer? It’s not. As a sub you are supposed to put your Goddess’s wants and needs first. The sub cycle does none of this. It’s extremely selfish. The worst part about this, is that as a sub, you know that you will always come back to your Domme with your tail between your legs. A Domme will be less and less forgiving every time this happens, it will get to the point where the Domme just doesn’t care about you anymore. subs exist to be used. subs need to be guided. subs need to be taught how to serve like good boys. It is impossible to accomplish any of this if the sub is constantly resisting, knowingly or unknowingly. Start taking accountability. When you feel yourself pulling away due to fear, being unsure of who you are, whatever, communicate your concerns to your Domme. Seriously, this right here will end the cycle. COMMUNICATION. How many times has Goddess said communication is key? Communicating with your Domme is when you can reach a resolution, hopefully one that will solve whatever unsettling feelings that you have been having, there are also cases where there might not be a resolution, resulting in the end of the relationship. Some relationships are supposed to end. A continuing cycle isn’t healthy for either party. It will get to the point where a Domme will be sick of your constant cycle, and when you do try to come back for the 80th time, She will just ignore you. The sub cycle is draining on a Domme. A D/s relationship is a relationship, it takes a lot of work. A Domme get’s emotionally involved in a lasting intense D/s connection, however when you unplug that connection constantly without warning, the connection gets weaker and weaker, as the Domme starts to get more and more tired of your bullshit. Eventually you won’t be able to plug that connection back in, even if you are ready to commit this time, and that is nobody’s fault but your own. Think about like a phone charger and the wire being twisted due to over use until it no longer is connected to the plug. The connection becomes severed. This is supposed to be a basic blog, so I won’t go into breaking the cycle down completely, I will leave that for My next blog, this blogs focus is stopping the cycle. And if you already haven’t figured it out by now… It’s communication. Don’t ghost, don’t ignore, don’t vanish, especially not until the point that you truly miss your Domme. you won’t always be able to come back. This never has and never will be about you. Also don’t use ghosting as a ploy for attention, it won’t work. subs who don’t deserve attention won’t get attention. Goddess has good subs, subs who deserve Her attention, why would She chase down a sub who hasn’t done anything to earn Her attention? Spoiler, She won’t. If you aren’t a good boy for Goddess you don’t exist. Hot tip: Being a good boy doesn’t involve ghosting, or constantly “participating” in the sub cycle. It’s predictable and gets old fast. :) If you want to be in your Goddess’s life, learn how to put Her first, learn to consider Her emotions, and understand how your shit actions affect Her. A Goddess can be forgiving and understanding until She’s not. If you act like what was mentioned above, you better realize, and realize fast that there is better than you out there. you are replaceable, and whatever connection you had with Goddess in the past is fading in the darkness. Smarten up before it’s too late. Communicate.