Being A sub And The Fear of Fitting Into “Normal Society.”

Originally Published March 12th @ IcyQueenO.com

Not everyone in life is able to accept who they are. Some people figure it out early and others…. Well they aren’t so lucky. Some people are raised homes full of taboo. Some people were never exposed to different “tastes.” This is where the conflicted sub comes in. But we aren’t going to completely focus on the conflicted sub in this blog, there are plenty of other blogs on that. This blog is going to focus on subbie things that may make you happy, and why you shouldn’t let it bother you, because well… Society still has a lot catching up to do..

Okay, yeah, so being an open sub in vanilla society may get you weird looks, but who cares, and who said you have to openly sub in public places…. Unless you are into that kind of thing… Whether it be that you’re an exhibitionist or have a thirst for humiliation. Preferences are a thing. If it makes you happy. Do it. If it makes you happy to submit behind closed doors do that! (Is Goddess ashamed of being a Domme? Hell no, I know this is a part of Myself that I need to express in order to be happy.)

So… Serving a Goddess is what you crave. But sometimes you try to find other things to distract you… you feel guilt for your urges… your needs. But the distraction doesn’t change how you truly feel inside. Distractions are a “bandaid” if you will. Distracting doesn’t change the fact that submitting and pleasing a Goddess is the one thing that truly makes you happy. It’s the one pleasure that cannot be topped. The thing about bandaids is, that they don’t actually fill holes, they just cover them. When you aren’t serving Goddess there is a hole in your life. you always come back… you are so drawn to Her. When are you finally going to grow up, accept your submissive natures and stay where you belong? If serving Goddess is your one true happiness, don’t you owe that to yourself and most importantly to HER?

Society wants to tell you that handing your life over to a Goddess is weird. First of all, society still hasn’t fully accepted equality, among other things. It’s been clear from the beginning that general society doesn’t have the best judgement. Society’s views are ever changing. So why do you as a sub care so much about what society is thinking at the moment? If handing over control of your life, little by little to your Goddess makes you happy, what’s stopping you? If sending Goddess your earnings makes you feel pleasure and causes you to cum harder than anything else in your life, embrace it. Maybe servitude is all you need to feel complete. your relationship between you and your Goddess is between you and Goddess, nobody else. What happens behind closed doors is nobody’s business but your own. What makes you feel good is your preference, nobody elses.

When a sub finds the right Goddess, they know. Things with Her just feel different, yes, sending always felt good, but with Her… It’s different, the feeling is indescribable, and incredibly euphoric. you want to give Her more, and more, and more, until the pleasure becomes too much to handle… Begging Her for relief. It may scare you that you feel so connected to a person. That you could fall so deep under Her spell. Goddess has become more than just your Domme. She’s also your friend. She is your everything. Did you ever think that’s because you are where you are meant to be? you were born for this. Born for Goddess, and Goddess born for you to worship. Kinky soulmates. Chemistry through the charts. Who said soulmates just have to be vanilla? Who says you can only have one soul that you can connect to in one way? Connection… There is nothing more amazing. Are you really going to let the pressures of a broken, ever-changing society that can’t make up it’s mind (Fashion changes, beauty standards change, acceptable relationships/unions change, gender identities. ect.) , tell you that what you are doing is wrong… Especially when it feels so right.

Saying that being a sub is wrong, is well… Wrong. Society also likes to tell Women that they can’t date younger men, shorter men, poorer men, blah, blah, remember when Women couldn’t even vote? Whatever. There are also parts of society that shame people for dating outside of their own race. Is this right? NO. General society often has bad judgement, and the line for normal is stupid and skewed and inaccurate. The bar for “normal” keeps moving, because over time people in society decide what is and isn’t okay. Being normal, is being a sheep and fitting into a box that these judgmental fools created. Society has already taught us that it doesn’t fully understand right and wrong. At the end of the day let your moral compass do the talking.

What do I understand as a Goddess and Domme?

Consent.

If two people of sound mind decide that they want to engage into a D/s dynamic, contract, relationship, whatever, that’s between those two people, and only those two people. The relationship doesn’t need to be approved by “normal society.” your friends don’t have to know. What matters is that the two people within the relationship are consenting, happy, and have boundaries and limits are set. Just because D/s relationships aren’t always understood or aren’t under the umbrella of “normal” relationships, who cares. It was only a few years ago when gay marriages were finally accepted in most parts of North America. People started getting divorces due to “realizing that it was okay to say that they were gay.” (Aka living a lie.) Transgender people are just starting to feel accepted, some of those people had to wait 60 years to transition, due to fear from society. The definition of gender-identities are expanding. Do you want to wait till you’re 60’s and old to finally feel free to be yourself? Do you want to lose all those years? So tell Goddess again why you are so concerned with being “normal” and being accepted by society, when society as a whole is fucked up. The majority of society is stuck in the past and are still extremely closed minded. So why do you want to fit in there? All that truly matters is that the dynamic between you are your Goddess is consensual and makes you both feel good. Pleasure is nothing to feel guilty about. (Remember when masturbation was super taboo?) If you love your Goddess, you love your Goddess! If handing complete over control to Goddess makes you feel like your life has purpose, then hand the control over! As long as you aren’t hurting anyone else in the process there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. As long as consent is present you can be as kinky as you want with your Partner and that’s nobody else’s business.

Maybe you like being a “alpha male” in the office… But when you come home all you want to do is serve… Maybe you are the type of sub who likes to incorporate play while at work… you know like slipping into the bathroom, getting on your knees and worshipping Goddess… Maybe you want to send while at your desk… Looking like a boss man to those peering in… But in reality you are loving giving pieces of yourself away to your Goddess. Relationships should be thrilling. Maybe vanilla isn’t for you, it isn’t for everyone. Maybe you are happiest serving your Goddess. Maybe serving gives you everything you ever needed from a relationship. Is serving weird? No… It’s hot, it’s thrilling, it makes your head feel fuzzy, and sends shockwaves through your body. Maybe serving is your version of sex. The pleasure you experience through serving, or the rewards from it will never be matched. So what… you were born to serve? Is that really so terrible? Something that feels so good? Would you rather pretend to be normal and only feel “okay.” Why would someone consciously choose feeling “okay” over amazing, euphoric and gratified.

Yes, it’s hard to get past caring about what “others” will think about you. But do you really care about others? Do the others care about you? Do they keep you company at night? No. Does your Goddess. care about you? Yes. Does your Goddess listen to you? Yes. Do you feel heard. Yes. Do you feel like someone understands you? Yes. Does your Goddess judge you for your kinks? No. Is any kink too weird? No. Do you feel safe with Goddess? Yes. Can you take down your walls and be yourself? Yes. If your answer is yes, what is the issue? If you can be more of yourself around your Goddess than anyone else… What does that tell you? you belong with Goddess. Nobody is telling you that you can’t go out in public and act “normal,” but you have every right to only indulge in your kinks behind closed doors or in any way you see appropriate. you can have both. Kinks shared just between you and your Goddess are super hot. you just have to stop caring and questioning if what you like is “normal.” There is no such thing as normal. Normal never has, and never will exist. Forget about it. People like what people like. Embrace diversity. Do you really want to be a mindless drone? you know… someone who pretends to like thinks just because others like things? Ew.

What have we learned today? Normal doesn’t exist. The definition of normal is starting to expand. But it’s still nowhere near where it should be. Normal is made up and the definition will always be changing. And sure… Maybe one day people will start to accept other non-conventional forms of love and care. But until then… you shouldn’t let anyone tell you what is and isn’t normal for you. If you enjoy something and there is consent, limits/boundaries and you feel safe? who cares. you don’t have to advertise to those you don’t trust about your kinks. your kinks are for you, and your partner(s). Stop depriving yourself of what feels good. Don’t deprive you partner / Goddess / whatever.

The most important thing in life is finding happiness. Nobody wants to die full of regrets. Make sure your Goddess is happy and you will be happy as well. If you are submissive, you need to learn that it’s okay to expand your mind, faster than society does. you need to accept yourself. Life is short, and you don’t want to wake up one day regretting all the of the years that you denied yourself true happiness. Years you denied your Goddess. Years that you can never get back. Take it slow if you have to, but don’t deny yourself purpose. Work with your Goddess, and discover who you really are, without judgement. Sexuality is a spectrum. People can give/receive pleasure in countless ways. If servitude is your ultimate path to happiness, take it. Don’t think twice. Being turned on by a Dominant Women isn’t a crime. It’s actually really hot. Breaking through barriers. It’s really hot knowing you were born with a purpose to serve, servitude is wonderful. your kinks aren’t weird. There is someone out there who will enjoy the same kinks that you do. Kinks are amazing. Kinks bring people together. Kinks create strong connections, open doors and create life long bonds . Don’t be afraid to embrace your kinky side… your happy side. Don’t worry about what other people think. It’s not of their business, unless you want it to be. Living your entire life with a huge part of yourself closed isn’t healthy. Find purpose. Find and experience true happiness. Be yourself.

Give in.