When subs Fail To Meet Expectations And The Resulting Gradual Domme Withdrawal.
A Goddess/Domme will seek good subs to serve, and a sub will seek to serve a Goddess. A sub and Domme need each other to fulfill a void in their lives. A sub will always need a Goddess to guide him and to really feel purpose. When a Domme finds a sub that is the right fit, it's something really special, it's something for Her to hold on to... But can all good things last? Sure, but not without effort from both parties. This blog will touch on the reasons why a Domme may begin withdraw from a relationship and how a sub can fix things before it's too late.
A Goddess has standards, and the sub of course is expected to meet them. A sub and a Domme will often go through a phase of getting to know each other, (UC) if the Domme deems the sub acceptable after a trial period of Her choosing She may offer to collar the sub and choose to own him.
A good Domme deserves the best of subs.
The subs who make the cut are are the ones who will be offered the The subs who make the cut are are the ones who will be offered the privilege of being owned and the opportunity of becoming the Domme's property. A sub who becomes a Dommes property is expected always to meet the laid out expectations, and this shouldn't come as a shock as these things are always gone over and outlined before the big step into being owned property is taken. A sub who comes into a D/s relationship and agrees to become property of his Domme becomes just that, property. An owned sub belongs to his Domme completely, mind, body and soul. Absolutely nothing tops that D/s connection in life.
Not every Domme will have the same expectations, and if you are offered the chance to become owned, you should always show respect and strive to meet all of the expectations outlined by and that you agreed upon set by your Domme. Of course, meeting expectations 100% of the time isn't always possible, and if a sub is unable to meet some or all of their Dommes expectations, it should have been communicated before accepting your collared or owned status. There are also instances that also occur when being owned where uncontrollable situations or circumstances may come up, and if/when they do it is your responsibility as a sub to communicate any problems or issues that may arise.
A sub who does not communicate or express hardships to his Domme is not a very good sub and it also extremely disrespectful to the Domme and the relationship as a whole.
Communication between a sub and a Domme is key to a successful D/s relationship. Without communication there will be many issues, many of which that could have been avoided if the sub had only communicated in the first place.
If you are one of My owned subs, it means that you have made it through a lengthy trial, and you have agreed to become My property.
Once you are My property, you belong to Me and only Me until if and when decide to release you.
As My property you do not have the power to make those kinds of decisions.When you agreed to become Mine you lost that right. Oh... but what happens if you happen to want to be released? Well there are appropriate and respectful steps that a sub must take to for Goddess to even consider allowing that to happen. Most importantly you must PAY to be released and are released on MY TERMS, not yours.
Often when a sub says that they want to be released it's out of anger or something else ridiculous where the sub is being selfish because he may feel that his needs aren't being met. (In these cases it becomes obvious that he hasn't looked deep enough into the situation and figure out why he feels this way, eventually he will finally realize it's due to him not putting Goddess #1, subs can often be selfish beings.) In rare circumstances there may be uncontrollable life issues come up where the sub needs to leave the lifestyle. (This is an understandable circumstance, life happens and Goddess handles these situations in a more understanding manner.)
But let this be clear... Goddess doesn't care if you're having a mood swing or a spontaneous change of heart "just because." As My sub you must realize that if/when Goddess does release you, it will be My decision, by My choice and on My terms and that there will be 0 coming back. Poof. (Unless there are extenuating rare circumstances.)
A owned sub just can't decide to up and leave/ask to be released if...
Goddess isn't giving you the amount of attention that you want.
If you are one of My owned subs you will get attention as long as you prove that you deserve it. Remember you aren't Goddess's only sub and Goddess has a life with priorities, if you can't prove that you deserve to be near the top of the list then you won't be. Just because you are Goddess's property it DOESN'T give you the right to entitlement or any added privilege. If you can't be a good boy and show Goddess that you deserve attention then you just won't get any. A sub who gets greedy for Goddess's time and attention when he does not deserve it is not a good boy at all.
you've had a bad week personally and want someone to take it out on and decide to self destruct.
Goddess acknowledges that subs have bad days, weeks and even months at times, but an issue in your personal life should not be taken out on your Goddess. your Goddess cares about you as a sub and human, but taking your anger or frustrations out on Goddess is not acceptable and neither is trying to blow up the relationship with everything else that is going on in your life.
you have jealousy issues about other subs who get more attention than you or about Goddess's Significant Other.
When you agreed to be owned by Goddess you were understanding that Goddess has other subs, and that Her attention will be divided appropriately, if you're a sub who wants more attention and you are under the impression that you are the only/best good boy by just doing the bare minimum then you are WRONG. If you were the best boy Goddess would let you know and there wouldn't be a struggle for attention. Goddess understands that you may get jealous, and if you are feeling jealous or insecure say something instead of jumping to extremes, ask how you can get/earn more. Communication is key... Temper-tantrums are not.
And as far as Goddess's S/O goes, deal with it. Goddess has needs that you will never be able to fulfill, you know your place, and your concern is maintaining Goddess's happiness not your ego.
you think you want to serve another Goddess because you can't think straight and got greedy/needy.
Ownership is not something Goddess takes lightly, Goddess did not take you on just so you can Domme hop at your own free will. If you made it being owned it's because you proved yourself, don't screw it up just because you are thinking with the wrong head. There is only one Goddess like Me. Remember that. you lose Me forever if you do something as dumb as this, not to mention you will pay the price ESPECIALLY if Goddess finds out that you have been stealing from Her and sending to another Goddess behind Her back.
Another thing that is ALWAYS expected from My subs is mutual respect. Yes, I am the Dominant and you are My submissive but respect will ALWAYS go both ways.
Getting into the second part of this blog...
Sometimes a Domme will begin to distance Herself from a sub when the sub begins to exhibit undesirable behaviour. This is nobody's fault but the sub, especially when Goddess has to continuously try and correct such behaviour yet the sub continues flip flops back and forth with 0 regard for how his behaviour is affecting his Domme.
A Goddess deserves stability. Servitude is not selective, and it is especially NOT based upon the subs mood at the time. Goddess and Her happiness are the priority. If a sub is having a bad day(s) it needs to be communicated, if a sub needs a few days to cool down fine, Goddess will understand. But Goddess will not not understand when your bad days are constantly thrust upon Her. your Goddess will not be dragged down with you. your Domme has no desire to carry your dark cloud around with Her.
An owned sub has earned a place in Goddess's life, a very important one, if the sub feels that their importance and the attention have begin to slip there's probably a reason, the sub should ask, make effort, show Goddess why they deserve a place in Her life, because if attention is slipping more than likely so is the subs servitude.
What are some Reasons for Domme withdrawal??
When a sub has consecutive or consistently "Bad Days."
First and foremost, Goddess will NEVER take Her bad days out on you. Why? Because it is emotionally abusive and Goddess is NOT an abuser. Bad days happen, bad days are a part of life, if you're a sub who constantly takes his emotions and bad days out on your Domme you need to check yourself. A Goddess will NOT be abused. A Goddess will not tolerate abusive or negative behaviour just because you're having a bad day. Find an outlet to take your anger out on, your Goddess isn't a punching bag.
Toxic subs ARE NOT desirable, any toxic subs who aren't owned will be cast away immediately, being an owned sub Goddess will be more lenient with you because She cares about you as a sub and human.
If you're an owned sub and you begin to notice that your Goddess has been pulling away it's probably for a good reason and She's probably communicated Her displeasure, and has even tried to help, but at the end of the day, patience runs thin and it is your responsibility to fix it.
A Goddess is very patient, and if you happen to have a single emotional episode, or two then maybe She will be understanding depending on the circumstance. you will be corrected and you will be told to express the issues in your day and not to take them out on Goddess. However, if you are a sub who continues to take their issues out on their Goddess, over and over and over again, disregarding Her feelings, and if you think a simple "i'm sorry" will cut it, you have bigger issues and those issues should not involve or drag down your Goddess's happines. An apology alone is empty and meaningless. (Not a good thing. Total breech of trust.)
Once a sub becomes toxic and unpredictable, A Goddess will often begin to lose interest and become reluctant to respond or engage. Nobody wants a sub who is jekyll and hyde. Being blindsided by a sub is a huge buzzkill for a Domme.
Repairing the withdrawal between the two parties is ultimately in the hands of the sub to prove that they deserve attention,(because, at this point Goddess is exhausted and tired of repeating the same things over and over without getting through to you. Goddess has other good boys, so if you aren't adding to Her day why would She take the time?) a sub needs to prove that they deserve another chance, for real communication, to prove that they are worth more than general exchanges.
It is NEVER the job of a Goddess to chase after sub and sympathize with his abuse. Abuse is abuse, plain and simple and nobody wants to be treated that way, a tribute DOES NOT fix the emotional damage and headache you have caused. A tribute is the bare minimum when it comes to an attempt at fixing a relationship. A tribute doesn't change the fact that you were acting like an asshole. A real effort must be made. A sub should be stable, a sub should be able to communicate his life and general troubles, rather than taking them out on his Domme.
Have you been guilting your Domme for simply enjoying Her life?
A sub should never guilt his Domme for having a social life. A sub should never show displeasure in Goddess's happiness just because he is lacking certain things in his own life, especially when Goddess tries to help improve his life. If you can't make the effort to improve your social life, even with the guidance of your Goddess don't constantly express displeasure when Goddess has plans that you could only wish that you could have.
Yes, Goddess wants a happy sub, and the sub should want the same for his Goddess. Total happiness.
A Goddess will always try to help enrich Her subs life, but when a sub starts being selfish and mentally draining with nothing but constant troubles and expressing all the negatives in their life while directing it towards their Domme it will make it hard for Her to find the motivation to communicate. (Why would a Domme want to talk about Her plans when the sub is just going to shoot them down and make things about them? She doesn't.) It's the same as how most subs don't find serving a tragidomme enticing, a Domme won't find a negative sub enticing either, a negative sub is NOT a desirable one even if he pays.
To complicate things, it is especially hard on a Domme when she cares deeply for a constantly troubled sub, especially when She knows the kind of sub that they are capable of being, but it all boils down to a point where the Domme will ultimately pull back... Why? because constant negatives drain Her mentally, and emotionally. Here a sub needs to show that he can be a positive in his Goddess's life, or soon he will be shown the costly door and be sent back to where he came from.
What have you done for your Domme latley?
This one is pretty straight forward. If the context of most of the communication has been about you, you, and only you and there has been little to nothing that you have actually done for your Domme, why would She give you attention? Does your Domme want to constantly hear about your work day without you showing interest in Her life? Or how something in your life is going without showing interest in Hers?
Nope.
Just because you're "owned" it doesn't give you the instant right to attention or whatever else you think you may deserve. (Especially when you haven't made Goddess the focus of the relationship.) When things are always about you and only you, where does Goddess get off? If your Domme isn't happy with your performance why would She just chit chat about fluff and things that just don't concern Her at all???
Have you followed through on tasks or promises?
If the answer is no, and no repeatedly then you have your answer. A Domme gets off on power exchange, if you were instructed and promise to complete something within a set time frame and fail to meet it, you've messed up. It's even worse when you continue to do the same thing over and over and over after promising that it"won't happen again.". Do you think a Domme finds it hot when a sub can't even complete one simple task or be consistent? No, it's disrespectful and causes a headache.Empty apologies are meaningless, apologies are more than words, a meaningful apology takes form in an action. When a sub constantly fails he will not get the same attention as that a sub that happily fulfills Goddess's requests and tasks.
Another this that is not acceptable is when a sub will suddenly vanish for hours in the middle of a conversation without a word. It may be that he went off to socialize, nap, play video games or otherwise, regardless, there is a proper and respectful way to leave a conversation to leave it to be continued at a later time. Neglecting to do so is disrespectful and gross, the same excuses get tiring. A good boy will never intentionally leave his Goddess hanging.
Are your apologies meaningful? When you say you understand do you?
Again this is pretty straight forward a Goddess isn't going to buy your constant bullshit, it's insulting.
Have your actions negatively impacted your Dommes mood or life?
A Domme should enjoy interacting with Her owned subs daily, when communication becomes a task it is a huge turn off, sometimes temporarily turning off notifications is the only way to get some relief.
A Domme doesn't want to have to shut out Her sub, but when Her subs actions become unpredictable, opening that conversation can feel like moving a boulder. Nobody wants to be weighed down. Communication should flow smoothly, and even something as simple as conversation should improve your Dommes day, not weigh it down. Positive energy is contagious. So if you are guilty of constant negativity, or even just lack of general effort, fix it. your Dommes happiness is your priority, and if she's shut you out temporarily it's for good reason, and you should be quick to turn it around if you want to make things better not worse. Indifference will get you nowhere, and it will only upset your Domme further.
It may help to think back to the conversations that you used to have with your Domme, not all conversations are kink based, a Domme and sub should be able to have a friendship with Her sub as a foundation, if you've forgotten that part it probably explains why your Domme has become distant. Show your Domme that you care about Her as a whole.
Sometimes life just happens!
Maybe you've done nothing wrong! Maybe your Domme has Family in town, or a busy week, needs a mental break... ect. If your Domme has even told you any of these things, relax. Dommes have lives too! It's okay to have a break in communication sometimes. If she hasn't explained, ask Her what's going on! Communicate rather than shut down.
I can bet your Domme has been understanding every time you've had a business trip, family function or vacation, there is ZERO reason why you can't do the same. you will not combust if your Domme isn't as readily available as a normal week.Does your Domme start being irrational when you have things come up in your life? Nope. This is where mutual respect comes into play. Stop being so greedy.your Goddess owns you not the other way around. your Domme has a life and any time or attention She does give to you during those busy weeks should be appreciated!
To summarize... Dommes and subs need to have open dialect. If you are an owned sub you are more than aware of what it expected of you, if you want to play stupid then that's your own fault. your Domme wouldn't have taken you in if you didn't know the ground rules. Being an owned sub doesn't entitle you to anything. Being an owned sub doesn't make you the best good boy, or even a good boy at all. Any relationship takes work, and effort, so if you are doing the bare miniumum why expect more? Stop being greedy. When you are an owned sub you wear your Goddess's collar/name with pride. As an owned sub you need to make sure to do anything you can to improve Her life and Her happiness. If you have bad weeks, or are unable to meet expectations you need to talk about it with your Domme rather than shut Her out and avoid confrontation as a whole.
Men who ghost are assholes, owned subs who pull the same act are even bigger ones.
A collar is NOT something to be taken for granted. A Domme holds Her collared subs close, and when the ones who are closest act out it affects the Dommes life, even entire Her day. An owned sub can often cause a Domme emotional distress through his irrational actions.
When a Domme has expectations, or a sub makes promises that are constantly not being met it can be draining, it can be upsetting, especially when the sub acts oblivious to his actions and only thinks about what he is getting out of the relationship. Any of the aftermath is the subs fault and the subs alone.
Acting out irrationally with poor Me or "I can't do this" behaviour is unacceptable seeing as the sub ultimately, did this to himself. Often an owned sub will threaten to leave when he isn't getting what he wants, which is laughable. Like that's even a choice in the first place. Anything to spark attention right?
Throwing a fit won't get you anywhere, all it will do is upset your Domme, and are you really so desperate that it's really the kind of attention you will resort to?
Save your Domme the grief, and earn attention the right way, the good boy way, the unselfish way, add some real happiness to your Dommes day rather than adding headache. Make your Domme a priority.
Unstable, or attention seeking subs who selfishly seek undeserved attention in whatever form, are not a turn on. A sub who communicates, a sub who respects, a sub who understands, and a sub who makes Goddess's happiness a priority is a sub who gets consistent attention. A sub who can talk to his Goddess's effortlessly is valued. A sub who can show constant respect for his Goddess, will be one who gets to play with Goddess. There is nothing hotter than a good boy who knows his place. Happy Goddess, happy sub. It's as simple as that.
