What is Dominance? And What Makes a Domme?

Seems like Dommes are everywhere now doesn't it. Everywhere you look someone is claiming to be a Domme. Dommes even pop up in mainstream media, on TV shows, vanilla parts of the World where you just wouldn't see them a few years ago. It's great to see Female empowerment represented and embraced, sure, but is what's being represented the real picture? Are Dommes, FinDommes specifically just becoming a trendy offbeat "easy" way to make money? (It's not easy, any experienced Domme will tell you that... Open your eyes and look at the high turnover volume.) How many of these Dommes are actually true Dommes? The answer... Not many. (Tip: Do research established Dommes have a history and more than one page, and usually followers.) You hear a lot about Dommes complaining about "fake subs" and "time wasters" quite frequently but now you hear the same thing from the other side. subs are being scammed, manipulated to hurt themselves or worse when in a vulnerable state, and many are being mislead to believing that they have found their "Domme" when in reality, they have just been interacting with somebody who has been playing "dress up." This is harmful to subs who get involved with someone, especially someone who doesn't understand RACK or SSC. (If you are someone who is unfamiliar with these terms I highly stress that you look them up before undergoing any D/s interactions. If you don't you are being careless.) subs also are having drive by experiences with so called Dommes who manipulate them with sexuality, and lack any of the other tools to maintain a long term connection...

This blog is going to dive deep into the true meaning of Dominance, and what makes someone a "Domme."

So you see a hot Woman on the internet, She claims to be a Domme, a FinDomme to be exact, as a sub this highly excites you. you look over Her page, She is young, beautiful, and dressed in tantalizing fetish wear... She may even have strap on, or other appealing toys. She also probably says she's into chastity and locking Her boys up. Everything about Her appeals to you. you are aroused and want to play. your first and probably last interaction is hot, She takes you to the edge and eventually over it, teasing you with Her body and hot words. you send to Her throughout, you fall sub into space and when it's all over you crash fast. On a sexual level you feel satisfied, and your Domme, has taken from you. But what does that Domme have to offer after such a mind blowing experience? Humans in general are sexual creatures but once those urges are satisfied they crave more. There's only so much of one thing a body can take at once. And not everyone has the same drive or urges either. So what does your Domme have to offer? Can she mentally enslave you? I mean really get into every dark corner of your mind and infect your brain with thoughts of Her and only Her. And these aren't necessarily sexy thoughts either, these are enslaving thoughts. Thoughts that make you think of Her and only Her. Thoughts that make you want to give Her the ultimate control over your mind, body, soul and physical property. Can this Domme give you more that just that mind blowing hour or so that you experienced? Did this Domme give you aftercare? Did your Domme respect your boundaries and not cause any permanent physical or financial damage that will affect your livelihood? Does this Domme care about more than just taking your money? Does She care about you a person and what you need to be healthy and survive as a productive member of society? And most importantly do you feel an real connection and care deeply for Her?

See this is where the double edged sword comes into play. Some people are into drive bys, "Dommes" and subs... Correction fetishists alike. Just like a porn addiction or any other addiction this is what some people do to get off or satisfy individual needs. Ultimately, it has nothing to do with a real connection or real dominance. It has to do with fulfilling their individual needs. So if two fetishists interact on this level and are fine with a one and done sure. Good for them. But that is not a true D/s interaction. Because neither parties are a Domme or sub, it's more of a role play if you will. So and so will act like a sub until they fulfill their needs and will vanish into the night until the urge resurfaces (and usually will interact with a different individual). And the "Domme" almost instantly will go happily off looking for her next "drive by" unscathed and not really caring about if that individual returns or not. They both got what they wanted out of the interaction.

This is where the problems arise. If the sub is actual and sub and meets someone who calls herself a Domme but is in reality a fetishist to put it nicely, the sub can end up hurt. Interacting with someone who portrays them self as something that they are not can lead to the other party getting hurt. sub space needs to be respected. When it's not things can go downhill fast. Moods crash, permanent physical damage, suicidal thoughts ect. subs can become very vulnerable during an interaction and if the" Dominant" takes advantage of that for solely Her own gain things will go bad fast. This situation can go vice versa as well. When a true Domme seeks a connection and is deceived by a fetishist or someone who isn't really into the lifestyle She can also be hurt. But that's another blog. See My Domme Drop blog here if you want to read further into that matter. :)

I don't want this blog to go dark so let's look at things this way. If I go to a costume store and buy a dinosaur outfit. I put it on, and post pictures online portraying Myself as a real live dinosaur will anyone believe Me? Everyone knows that dinosaurs are extinct so that I won't get too far that way... The only thing I'll look like is a delusional fool. So how about this scenario, I buy a doctors costume and I wear it out into public, then tragedy strikes and someone frantically calls for a doctor. They see you and motion you over to help save this persons life. You have zero medical training but claim you are a doctor and do... Do you think that person will live? Probably not, and it's all your fault. You pretended to be something you are not, and that person died, fast. Much like a D/s relationship with no foundation or truth.

So... Let's say a Woman wakes up one day, She's seen FinDommes do well online, maybe She wants to make some extra money, and she decides today I will become a Domme. She buys an outfit, fetish wear, maybe a corset, thigh highs.,sexy latex panties, sexy shiny high heeled boots, a strap on and a whip. She's never used a whip before... Does she even know how to crack it? Does she know when to stop? Are things making sense now? Just because someone claims to be something, that doesn't make it true. Anyone can buy a costume but that costume doesn't make you smart, it doesn't give you skill, and if definitley doesn't make you knowledgeable. That costume doesn't make you a Domme. It makes you a Woman dressed up like what She thinks is a Domme... A stereotypical one at that. All the toys and outfits in the World won't make you Dominant. You will only be someone playing dressup. Dominance is something that comes from within. It's the way you were born, it's they way you think, it's the way you react to situations and interactions. ANY responsible Dominant does research and learns about safety, and kinky practices. I encourage those who want to embrace their kink and maybe awaken their inner dominance to go for it.... However... Any true Dominant will never stop learning, and will never claim to know it all. There is always room to learn and grow as a Dominant and as a Person.

Now let's talk about Me for a second... I can dominate any of My subs at any second of the day, whether I'm, in bed, out with friends, or half the time when I'm on My couch relaxing with My boyfriend in a messy bun, no makeup, a hoodie and yoga pants. I don't have a single piece of fetish wear on. No fun toys around. I don't have to cam, or even send any pictures. The only thing I need? My sexy mind. I manipulate and control with My words.... They are the only thing that I need. When I see Dommes complain about not getting any subs because they're old, or fat, or the way that they look, it makes Me shake My head. At the end of the day being pretty or "sexy" may grab a subs initial attention due to attraction alone, but it won't hold them, it won't enslave them and they definitely won't stay. There are literally millions of pretty girls on the internet and many they can look at for FREE. I know I'm young and beautiful and yes at times I use it to My advantage, every Woman should use Her amazing Female arsenal to Her advantage, however that will only get you so far. And if you are someone that complains about lacking any of these things, take a look around. There are so many diverse SUCCESSFUL Dommes out there, some even in Their 60's and yes 70's, and many of different shapes, ethnicities, and sizes, and if you want Me to point you to some I will, gladly. Dominance has 0 to do with your age, gender, how you look, your skin colour or how you dress. Dominance is your essence, it's embracing your Female powers and using them to the fullest, it's your sexy fucked up twisted Mind that can trap men in Your beautifully spun web... Most of all it's about using those powers responsibly. A sub will sense this and will be attracted to it. Positive vibes will get you further than complaining ever will.

Dominance is so sexy, it's being who you are and loving it. It's embracing all of you. It's not apologizing for who You are, it's about not caring what others think and doing what makes you happy, kinky or not, it's embracing learning and welcoming knowledge, it's about safe play, and most of all it's pure psychological fuckery. That's the hottest part. The mind fuck, And if you lack that key skill, you won't be successful. It doesn't matter how many toys you buy, or how many sexy outfits or pics you put up. A sub is attracted to a Domme purely based on Her essence, what She portrays Herself as and who She really is deep down, a sub will sense the second a Domme is reading off a script. Stop trying to duplicate other Dommes out there, and just be yourself. There are subs for everyone and someone who will like you for you, and want to serve you and treat you like the Goddess you are. And if you're a Domme who publicly complains about not having subs, being old, what you "wish" you could have or buy, complaining about other Dommes successes, or even just about subs wasting your time and expecting an influx of sympathy tributes, you won't get them. Nobody is attracted to a negative Nancy. subs will avoid you like the plague and Dommes won't like you either. Women want to empower other Women not throw them a pity party. subs want to shower Superior confident Women with gifts because they deserve it, not because the feel bad for a Domme.

Finally a Dominant Woman does not beg for attention, She does not chase subs, tell them to pay Her with 0 prior interaction, or compete against other Dommes for their attention. A Dominant Woman also doesn't harass subs into submission. That doesn't work. Submission is a gift and a privilege that a Dommes needs to appreciate. Any Domme who does any of the negatives above appears to be hard up and desperate and probably only looking for one thing... Nor do they look like Dommes, they look like they are looking for their meal ticket... I thought the subs were supposed to be the desperate ones? Personally, I will never approach a sub. If a sub views My page, good for them. If they want to take the time to read My profile.... Good for them. And then if they want to take the time to message Me respectfully, great. Do I care if a sub views My page and doesn't message Me? Nope. I probably wasn't the Domme for them and that's fine. There are PLENTY of subs to go around and the right sub will approach and show Me that they deserve My attention. The only time I will put a stop to a sub viewing Me is if they repeatedly view My page with nothing to say... Even then I won't message them... I'll just block them for being creepy, as they were probably up to no good, and then when they notice they've been blocked and if they care enough, since they've been on My page so frequently they will know where and how they can contact Me elsewhere to apologize respectfully and the right way and then maybe, just maybe, I'll unblock them. Dominance is not caring what anyone else thinks about You, Domme or sub. It's about living your best life as the kinky Human that you are. You know You're amazing and You shouldn't have to convince some blind fool who doesn't see it that you are.

Dominance, it's not something you can pretend to possess. The jig will be up fast. Believe Me. If you are a Woman who wants to try and embrace Her Dominant and kinky side, I highly encourage You, I will alway support other Women who want to embrace their Feminine Power. But I will NOT support a Woman who is careless and does not respect RACK or SSC and I definitley will NOT support a Woman who fakes experience and refuses to research and learn. subs are humans, they have basic needs and feelings. As a Domme You can always learn more. And if you're new to this World don't be afraid to tell the sub that you are and maybe you can grow together. D/s relationships are symbiotic. Lying to a sub about your experience, or kinks you are into to please the sub alone and to gain his attention, is not the way to build a solid foundation and definitely not the way enjoy an experience. A Dominant does not cater to Her subs wants, She satisfies Her Own.

So subs, the next time you see a pretty face in sexy fetish wear, take it at face value, and do your research on your Domme too. Yes, beauty and sex appeal can be used as an advantage at first, but it will only get you so far. At the end of the day your beautiful Dominant, knowledgeable mind will get you further than any stereotypical outfit will. The last any Domme wants to be seen or presumed as is a Woman wearing a costume. Open your eyes, and subs I know sometimes it's hard but use your brain too. Do research. Look beyond the superficial facade and find out what beneath it all. And Dommes starting out... I wish you the best, but at the end of the day, not every Woman has that Dominant spark, the spark that draws subs to them like a flame, but that's okay, because if you're just in this for the money... You shouldn't be doing this at all. This is Lifestyle and if you can't respect that, you shouldn't be involved.