A subs Raw Emotions on The Journey To Total Servitude.

The past week has been very tough for sissyro, he has been struggling with his thoughts, and controlling his emotions all a result of him learning his place in My life. his thoughts have been his greatest enemy, or more so his thoughts about My thoughts, where he would defeat himself constantly by overthinking and jumping to conclusions over thoughts that never once even crossed My mind. he actually made himself physically ill by putting himself under such mental stress and punishment. And as his Domme that was hard for Me to watch.

sissyro is on a journey and this blog he recently wrote showcases his pure raw emotions. I feel as if this is important to post, for subs to relate to as they probably also struggle with the same emotions, and just as an example of a submissives journey for E/everyone to get perspective on. Learning should never stop.

This is the beginning of sissyro's decent into full blown servitude. It is extremely satisfying as his Domme to see selflessness emerge from the depths of his soul. he is starting to truly understand what it means to be a sub, and it is truly beautiful. True submission is a journey, its not easy, ego has to be reduced, the Domme has to become the #1 priority in life, and for a human that is a hard thing to do... To overcome ego and become selfless, obedient, and truly live for and belong to Someone else.

This blog showcases the intense connection and bond that has been created between U/us and My sub realizing that he has to respect his the boundaries of his Goddess, he is slowly beginning to realize the true nature of this relationship that is developing because of O/our and connection bond, and how not confuse his emotions. It is hard for a sub to differentiate the love for his Domme and being in love with Her. I want My sub to love, but not to be in love in the romantic sense, where he would think that this relationship would ever take that turn. I want my sub to live for Me, but not be desperately dependant on Me, he still needs to be able to function even in My absence. I have a busy life, I have commitments and other subs to tend to.

I am very proud of sissyro as he begins to evolve, and grow. The pain, the struggles, the conflict, it's all a part of the learning process, if servitude was easy there would be an endless supply of well behaved boys, but the reality is, it's a full time commitment, and to submit fully, to give himself to his Domme, contrary to popular belief a sub has to be strong. Only the strongest subs can fully serve a Domme, the weak ones, well they don't last. The weak ones like to take cheap hits here and there, and that does not interest Me. sissyro is an example of the type of sub that I seek. Yes, there have been times where he has frustrated and angered Me, but he works hard, he admits defeat and that he is wrong, even though there were times that it was not a easy thing for him to do. he sacrifices all he can to Me, physically, emotionally, and financially, and no he is not rich by any means, but the meaning behind that sacrifice, means so much more than money ever will.

Please enjoy this blog, I will continue to update on sissyros journey in the coming weeks. :)

How best to organize a theme so rooted in chaos? There is an ebb & flow: a foundation that keeps me at Her Feet, and sharp, arresting moments of ecstasy and agony, of true approval and crushing failure.

It seems like the more devotion, loyalty, Worship, and perseverance become the goal: their counterpoints burden evermore. Maybe that stems from a fear of failure, or being intimidated by Goddess’ Perfection. Repeatedly, She has told me i should not let my own mind overthink things, or invent problems that are not there.

i defeat myself it seems, instead of thinking, doing, and living in service to Her.

That failure, especially at the outset of O/our relationship, was rooted in being green. Not knowing what anything was, not knowing what i was willing to do for Her, commit to Her, my wallet, my holes, my heart. And in that sweeping submission, i forgot to remember that it is about Her, always. To put her first, ahead of my learning, my improvement, even if that betterment is for Her sake. If it is not on Her terms, and Her time, then it is still a selfish pursuit.

I do not even find myself thinking about cumming that often, or even edging, because now after so long, the mere thought of "Goddess", a perpetual thought in my day, is all the arousal i can take. Rather, that bond has me so enraptured, i find myself codependent: feverishly awaiting Her reply, to the point She Herself has said is unhealthy. And that concern, that genuine love for Her subs, is what indelibly keeps me here: at Her Feet, desperate for Her Attention, for the next chance to Worship.

She is impressive in a way that terrifies… in my inability to live up to that expectation. She has so much, does so much — She is so much to behold. In these past weeks, i have seriously questioned whether this is right. Over and over again. Not ever if She is right for me, but whether i am right for Her. For this. Not in some vanilla, sheepish way. In simply that i constantly feel i am a hindrance, a burden, or overbearing in my need for direction, reassurance, guidance… and yet without it i feel suffocated, i feel like i am drifting through a vacuum between those moments when She is there, and i can breathe again.

More than any pain or any tribute, the most difficult part of Worship is the silence. The absence. To which She has every right, because regardless of circumstance, She has EVERY right, both mine and Her own. But that distance is invariably the hardest part. i lose sleep over it. i am anxious, wearied to a frenzy, refreshing anything and everything hoping for Her.

It isn’t rational, but it is because when W/we do talk: there is no greater bliss. And so i have learned patience. In the moments when She shares, instructs, or even says hello, it is all worth it. i must be better for Her. More patient. More independent. More subservient, in a constructive way. A good slave does not depend on his Goddess’ Attention. Her Existence should suffice.